Um. Um. Um.Are you reading this?If you are, I need your help.I was at a party; I was running; I fell.And get this--this is the part you'll never believe--I fell down a rabbit hole.Like Alice in those old books.Except in those books, there wasn't blood everywhere.In those books, the characters weren't all male, attractive, and interested in me.Forget everything you know about the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, the March Hare ...This isn't Wonderland; this is Underland.Violence, sex, drugs, and mag...